A Struggle

It has been a while... so much has happened. The good, the bad and the ugly.

I have achieved but I have also failed at the one thing that I struggle with so much. I fight so hard and sometimes it never seems like I will find a way out. 279 + 14. That will mean something to some people. There were 30 days between the 279 and the 14. 30 days where I was lost in darkness and most of those days I really didn't think I'd ever find a way out.

Funny that it should be the one think that was binding me to the darkness that because the thing that also began the process to free me.

I know I'm talking in riddles. I guess I just don't want to say too much. Those that know me will be able to work out what I'm talking about.

The last 14 days have been so hard. People keep telling me that it will be easier this time because I have done it before. But I don't know that it is. Just because I know what to look for, know what to expect, know the warnings doesn't make it any easier to cope or deal with the urges. But I will continue to play guitar, write stories and clean my house. Not to mention just look at the hundreds of reminders....