Is there anyone else in the world that freaks out when they hear a certain word? It’s stupid. Why do I let one little word get to me so much. It doesn't matter if someone says it, whether it’s in a movie or even if I read it. Same reaction. My stomach ties in knots and starts doing summersaults. My heart starts racing, hands shaking. I stop breathing and my head retraces past events.
No one knows. Well I hope they don't notice. I try to keep everything inside. Internalise any freak out. God forbid anyone knowing how I really reacted.
It’s getting hard at the moment though. My cracks are beginning to show.
Sleeping for the next month would be good.
At least its 1 down.
This was and is always going to be the easiest of them all. Still hard though.
I think I have this built in shit day tester that sends out warning signals like sonar when shit days approach.
Fuck today. Fuck next week. Fuck everything.
