Sad Farewells

I just had my last year 10 class. It was so sad. We had fun though, played singstar which was cool. I know teachers aren't meant to have favourites but there are always going to be a few that will stick in your head. There are 3 from this class, 2 of them in particular I will really miss. I got this card from one of them. Here is a little bit.
There was once this teacher I met. At first she was a shy little bugger but then she grew on me...She is positively one of the nicest, understanding people I know. She has had fun and laughed with us, put up with my crap, helped us with our problems...I soon found it hard to believe that she was our teacher...going to music was now a highlight of the day...

There is a lot more, tear jerking stuff. Its nice when you know you’ve impacted on a kid. Makes the hard days a lot easier to cope with.

To Whom It May Concern

To Whom It May Concern,
Thank you for always being so honest with me. I’ve thought a lot about what you said. For so long I have accepted this way of thinking and behaving without even realising it.

Up until Sunday the ‘warning signs’ so to speak were always the same and I was able to identify them and I was stopping or at least working on stopping my though processes. But on Sunday it was like the rules were changed and I didn’t recognise it. I got so used to them being the same that I wasn’t aware of the alterations. I got complacent and I can’t believe I ‘fell for it’. I know it isn’t an excuse. I don’t want to appear to be making excuses. I am fully prepared to accept responsibility. But at least I know that it may not be the same and I will try to watch out for it.

I don’t want to hurt people. That’s the last thing in the world I want to do. I can see now that hurting myself and giving in to this spirit is hurting the people I care about the most.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m tired of being this person, of hating myself, of hurting myself, of hurting others. I’m sick of being afraid. Every time I look at myself I tell myself how stupid I am. I hate what I have done and the effect it has on me. I want to stop that. I want to stop hating myself. I want to stand up and start fighting.

Thank you,

Kirsty xxoo

Drawing to a close

I know, I know... I'm a slack ass. I'm gonna really try to blog more - I just never think of it.

Well, my time at Innisfail State High School as the classroom music teacher is drawing to a close. I only have 8 more days. Its very sad. I have shed many many tears.
I have fallen in love with this place and these people. Its hard to think that just 10 months ago I was balling my eyes out because I didn't want to leave Brissy. Now I'm a completely different person. So much has happened. I lived through a bloody scary cyclone - of which is still really hard to share my feelings on, I learned how to play guitar and as a result have started writing songs, I played my violin on two separate occasions in a church service (playing solos) and I've played one of my songs in front of 50 people and I also sang Advance Australia Fair at the school speech night in front of about 600 people. I've moved house 3 times and taught high school kids.
5 years ago I would never have thought I'd be here.

I have a few challenges at the moment. One of my students is going through some stuff that she told me about. It really affected me to begin with - I've gained some perspective and now I'm just very worried about her. My future is also up in the air. I'm not sure what is going to happen. I really don't want to be moved next year. I love this town and I love my housemates. I REALLY REALLY don't want to leave. I know I just have to trust God, and most of the time I'm pretty good at that - especially in this case. But that doesn't stop the 'what ifs?’
I'm also a bit worried about going 'home'. Having Erin her has been and is fantastic. I have missed her so much - as I have missed everyone. But its made me realise that I don't know anything about The Gap. Half of my friends have barely said boo since I moved up here. I know out of sight out of mind. But I'm finding out stuff just now that happened ages ago. I'm just scared that I will return and I won't belong. I'm scared I will feel like an outsider, like a visitor to the place I grew up in and with the people who were my friends. I really hope I can just slip back in but deep down I know that isn't going to happen. I watched it happen with Jeremy. So I know it is inevitable.