* * *

I don't really know where I'm at at the moment. No sorry, not quite true. I know where I am. I'm lost. I'm at a T intersection no a * intersection. Lots of directions, but no direction.
I'm scared, I'm confused, I feel alone - only I'm not physically alone.
Just because another year has past doesn't mean everything is ok. It doesn't mean anything. Except maybe that another year has past - a few good things and a few more bad.
Its not ok. Ok!
I'm not ok. I'm not ok with the aloneness, I'm not ok with the togetherness. I still have to organize what I can because I can't organize the bigger things. My cupboard shelves are currently getting re-organized on a daily basis. No one can sit on my bed after I've made it... otherwise I freak and have to fix it.
I need control - but people are trying to take it from me again. Not in the same way as before. But they are.
I'm just not coping and the people I guess I really want to read this won't...or can't.
Argh...